This show inspires me to have sex in space
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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