im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
