...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
