So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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