Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
