So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize