I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
