fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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