Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
