going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
