I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
