never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
