can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am naked and annoyed.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
