dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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