woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
