my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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