idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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