Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
