so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
