Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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