How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Do vagina's smell?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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