it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
