All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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