how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
