she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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