I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
