Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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