my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
