before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
