You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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