actually, I'm a sock model
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize