dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
