Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I deserve this hangover.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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