I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize