the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What happened to fro yo and sex?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
