omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
