dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
