Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I miss vodka workout Fridays
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
