Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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