hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
