dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
