Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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