Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
