she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
