So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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