And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
