Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dicks are not precious.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
