shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my being single is dangerous.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
