I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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