According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
