still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
