So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
