I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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