never play flip cup with pint glasses
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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