I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
