mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
