Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
