I love black thongs
we made out on top of his cat.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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