i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
