I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
