my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
