I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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