Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize