If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
