this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
