he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
