i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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