he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
