He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
