You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
