I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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