Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
