He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize