Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
