You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
