Princesses don't give blow jobs
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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