dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There was a lot of him and a little penis
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
