I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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