if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize