I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
