Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
