margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
