maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Randomize
