I wish I could teleport
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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