Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
