Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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