I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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