somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
