it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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