dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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