what if every blade of grass was a penis?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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