I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So many bounce houses so little time
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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