there's paper in my vomit.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
