i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
