Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
