Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
