At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
