just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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