Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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