just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize