Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
