is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
