when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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