I just pynch a tree in the face
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
