something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize