I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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