grandma shit on top of the toilet
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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