i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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