If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
