i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
