I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
