It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize