he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
