at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
should my penis look like a turkey
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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