It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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