It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize